Religion-Jesus?

Well, I didn't expect to be the first one to post something in this blog after a long silence since July 2011, especially after I went back to Malaysia. Full story, all of you should know.

I'm in the midst of my revision before my Jan exams and for most people who know me well, I always have a panic attack and gets frustrated easily, very negative about everything and moan about this and that...the list just goes on...

Something interesting caught my attention when I fb-ing (yea of course I would even when there's revision to do). Initially I didn't pay much attention to it, until a friend of mine who is a Buddhist, who is really into it, posted about it. It was then I was like "wow, even he post about it, there must be something". After a few clicks, I was then on youtube watching the video for a few minutes. That video got my attention totally, better than my thick pile of notes on herpervirus or staphylococcus etc.

At different points of the video, what he said triggered some thoughts in me. The one thing that just makes me wonder over and over again is his opinion on Jesus and Religion. He said "religion is man searching for god, and Christianity is God searching for man.....So I know I hate religion, in fact I literally resent it". Ok wait right there. Christianity is not a religion then? Then the norms of defining your religion is flawed because from my understanding, Christianity is a religion?? Yes/no? Of course there's the understanding that Jesus is the only one and real God and being Christian means following Jesus, but maybe I just misunderstood what is this religion, or definition of religion all about, or others? Maybe next time when someone ask what is your religion, we should give a more concrete answer saying we're believer and follower of Jesus, rather than I'm a Christian? Maybe someone can guide me here so I can a better picture and understanding.

Of course there were some parts that I really like in that 'poem' he wrote. But this video sure is contagious and spread like virus on both facebook and youtube. Also, it's interesting to read some of the comments (good or bad) on youtube which fascinates me how some people viewed 'Christianity' is and about, or even arguments from 'Christians'. The wisdom we're given to understand things is so mysterious to me.

Nonetheless, wish everyone Happy New Year even though I don't know if anyone still reads this. Perhaps YK and ST will >.< (back to face the world of tiny microbes...)

Reflections from Acts 12 and saturday sessions.

Been ages since I last blogged because of all the busy-ness. Decided to blog before I start my on calls streak again on thursday

Acts 12. A passage that we went through in cell 2 fridays ago kinda spoke to me.

It was a good passage. Amazing story of the miraculous escape of Peter from prison. A wonderful testimony of how God delivers in His timing.

The whole passage just tells us of how we have a God who is in control. BUT even if he does not deliver, he is in control, because He is God. God will deliver in His own timing as how He rescued Peter from Prison. The people prayed but did not expect God to deliver so soon, they thought it was the angel knocking on the door. Everything happens in God timing. James died in the beginning of the passage (Herod killed him), we wonder why wouldn't God save James, and we doubt. We doubt that God will not deliver Peter. But James's death is not a mistake. God is in control. Peter came to his realisation (verse 12: 'When this had dawned on him'),Peter probably has doubts even in the worst of situations, but realised that God is in control.

I don't know how many people knew that I accidentally de-registered myself from the GMC one night while I was trying to apply for full registration. It was a horrifying experience. I realised how vulnerable I was, how I was so not in control of the situation when it happens, as I could not redo the mistake that I made. For those who doesn't know what de-registering with the GMC means, it means that I am not allowed to practise in the UK, meaning I am not allowed to work the next day. I tried to rectify the mistake, but a notice popped up saying that 5 working days was needed to allow GMC to re-process the application.

I was so upset. But it dawned on me that same night, after struggling for so long, to let God take control. There was nothing I could do in my means, but pray that God will take control of things. Even if things doesn't happen the way I want it to be, God is in control. So I surrendered it all and went to sleep.

The next day, I phoned up GMC and they rectified my mistake within 15 minutes without any extra charges, without having to wait for 5 working days, without giving me any hassle.

God is in control even in the worst of situations.

But there are times when things does not go smoothly as we want it to happen. But I pray that God will deliver in his timing.

We had a few sessions on saturday which were really meaningful. Learning about the pursue of godliness, how to put God in the centre of bible reading.

I was reminded of 4 things which stops us from knowing and loving God:

a) The wounds of the heart.

Wounded people cannot love.

b) The cynism of the mind.

I doubt.

which leads to...

c) Paralysis of the will

I can't....

d) Overcrowding of the soul

I am too busy...

I am too busy for God...

Heal us Lord from the wounds of our heart, the doubts we have in us. To have the 3 faiths that I learnt:

a) The going on faith

b) The charging on faith

c) The holding on faith

The hardest is the holding on faith. In all this, believe in what God has promised.

Knowing God is about the life of God in the soul of man. To not just know God by head knowledge but ask for fresh encounters with Him.

Loving God because He first love us.

Selah Sings Before the Throne of God
Before the throne of God above,
I have a strong, a perfect plea,
A great High Priest whose name is "Love,"
He ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is writen on His heart;
I know that while in heav'n He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
and tells me of the guilt within,
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died,
my sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
to look on him and pardon me.
to look on him and pardon me.

Behold him there! the risen Lamb,
my perfect, spotless Righteousness,
the great unchangeable I AM,
the King of glory and of grace!
One with Himself I cannot die,
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
with Christ, my Savior and my God
with Christ, my Savior and my God







A few lines touched me in particular..
"He ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is writen on His heart;"

out of so many billions of people on earth, really? god has MY name on his hands and heart? He still remembers me, unlike some people who maybe created a piece of artwork and forgets that it ever existed.



"When Satan tempts me to despair,
and tells me of the guilt within,
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin."
I know it at times when I do wrong things, when I sin, and when i feel guilty about things. But yet, God is still with me? He still answers prayers. I have come to know how difficult forgiving is, both my seeing and experiencing. Yet, God's love is so wide and deep that it covered it all, all my sins and our sins.



"the great unchangeable I AM,"
God is never changing, and what He said He won't deny. He is the "ALWAYS". thats why when He said He loves, He really does. at times of guilt, things like asking God to punish me for what I do crept into my mind before, but that's not God. He see past our sins as Jesus bore it all, and we are now clean. What He did, He has done.

"My soul is purchased by His blood;"
I am not my own, but God's. And my happiness and rewards were all exchanged by Jesus' blood. Who am I then to complain?





Not only me myself, I felt that life had been difficult and quite bad for a lot of people (or at least those around me) over this year. Once I felt really angry, but God healed by asking me to forgive and asking for His forgiveness. And He showed me Himself in quite a few occasions, which I felt really grateful about.

But something strike again.. I knew I didn't exactly blame God, cuz I still know that God is love and He is the God of goodness. But I can't help but keep asking why within my heart. and part of me felt that I never wanted to know what's going to happen so badly. and things which is part of a normal life process, I never knew that I can't take it well when it happens in real life to me. It's just the feeling that no matter how much PPD I have done, I still can't entirely treat a patient as a human instead of a subject when it's someone that I know or I love. and I didn't know why everything has to happen in this year. it's just like, "where's my break, God?"

i was being a bit rebellious. Finding it so hard to pray, I therefore refused to pray even when prompted. I even thought that if I were to doubt God in my life, this is the time when I will question Him. But God spoke to me in church today. He asked me, "after so much that I have done for you, are you still not going to trust me?" It's as if He was asking me, so who is He in my life. Is He someone whom I thank only in times of receiving more and when life is sailing smoothly? And I felt Him saying that how much more will I need to believe Him that He's still here. But with this attitude, I will never have enough of blessings cuz I just pull myself away when there's something which go a bit wrong.

I feel that it's been a little while since I really felt God personally recently. It has mostly been the word, the people around. But I am grateful that I am knowing God more now, that I can recognise His voice. I know when He speaks :)

Although not to say that everything is good and i'm not going to fall away anymore, I am more than sure that God have saved and will not easily let me drown just like that. The journey hasn't quite reached an end yet. PRAY :)

If possible, people, please pray for my dad, who was newly diagnosed diabetes last week.. it may seem like a really common condition which we are no longer surprised when we hear about it. and it is indeed a chronic and not an acute condition, so no emergency action is needed. but the complications or the risks of it freaked me out a bit. so really just pray for the right management to be carried out and pray that i can do whatever that i can to help, also for my dad's salvation before it's too late. (something which will really break my heart if it happens...) thanks guys!

Yee Kuan

Untitled

"Study hard ok? Take care ah, call back often yea, be careful alright?" Those were the words muttered to me about 4 years ago before I left to venture abroad, finding the freedom I never had and experienced things like never before. There were ups and downs, but I managed to get through all, at the same time met some amazing people along the way and discovered wonderful places and things. After all that, I'm back....

Perhaps it was a naive thought, that I would be able to be there forever, well not forever, at least for a longer period of time. For work, to achieve my ambitions, to eat my way around the country and perhaps the globe, discover more amazing things waiting to reveal themselves to me. Perhaps I've already lost track when I got comfortable and thought I found it, that is it. Perhaps I was deceiving myself all the time... Life is not a bed of roses. I do not have the money to buy everything I want nor I do not have the financial capability to go everywhere I want, well I think not a lot of human can do that.

The once clear ambitions became blur, lost, buried in the deep ocean perhaps. The directions I wanted to follow does not seem to be clear and what I want anymore. In short, I do not know what's the purpose of my life, nor do I know what's the direction I want to follow. All my hope was taken away, the door was shut down a while back. I never felt this devastated, as though something had sucked my soul out of me. That gut feeling, if you ever experienced it, when you are so devastated that your stomach seems to have a life of it's own, twist and turn, gives you this creepy yet torturing feeling in your tummy, and send shivers to your whole body down to your spine. It then connects to your eyes, releasing what we call tears which I can't control. That's the sort of feeling I get every single time I thought what happened to me. I already had plans, wouldn't call it great plans, at least decent one, to achieve or get closer to them in a year or two year's time and then many years to come. Everything just went down the drain, wait, no, vanished in thin air because I could never find them anymore.

I'm back to the country I despise totally and absolutely, there's no two ways about it and nothing will change my mind about it. Just look at the newspaper, just login to social networks like facebook, and you will see our country seemed to top the list of "most watched country at the moment". Democracy? Give me a break! I don't see my future here, really, here?! You've got to be kidding me!

My faith, trust, and believe on something I hold on to, is fading day by day. There's no longer the urge, the desire, or love. I don't know what's left in me, except feelings or thoughts that I never want inside me, but they are... And yes, the rage, ahh you are still here actually, it's building up like never before.

The two doors in front of me, one leads to unknown dimension, one at least to cheer me up, maybe, for another year or so. It might be temptations, who knows? The decision had never been tougher, perhaps I have to sacrifice. What do I get from sacrifice? What's obvious to me is more sadness and sorrow in the years to come, the dark hole gets even bigger, and perhaps, the last bit of me is gone too.

not going through one of the happiest times of my life. god says, find 10 things to thank Him today. so here it goes:

1. hmm.. thank god for sparing me from failing my exams when it was so close

2. thank god that i travel everyday yet he keeps me safe

3. thank god that my mum listens and loves me

4. (mind starts wandering off) thank god that i am just sitting here without my life being endangered

5. thank god for a dedicated ssc group mate that we are getting our work going

6. this is a hard one... thank god for trials in my life, which are going to shape me into who i am going to be, although i am upset now

7. thank god for a complete family, however much it doesn't fit perfectly into an IDEAL family

8. thank god for never giving me up although i am unworthy

9. thank god for still whispering in my heart at times, and for helping me to step by step trying to recognise His voice.

10. thank god for lovely kids around and opportunities for everyone to serve Him

11. thank god for being god.

not easy, but guess this is my mission today ><

Home - Gary V

they just make me think...