I was really happy today, but to be honest, I can't really say why. I think the amazing thing about God speaking to us is that, sometimes we just know deep down there that He's speaking and He has done something in our lives, and it's all for our own good, and then there yields the JOY. It's a joy that's different from happiness, really really different, but yet so indescribable.

God has always been loving me so much. I thought back a lot about 1st year today, and shared quite a bit with Hannah too. Sometimes things slipped through my mind, or I just don't recall them all the time, but when I think back, there I found His love and His plan, always always working in my life.

A few days ago I was crying myself out, and tears rolled down like how sweat does if I were to be in a sauna room, I wasn't even exaggerating, but today I feel that whole sense of joy from God. God saves through brokenness, and no doubt He answers prayers. When I prayed for Him to work in my situations, I have always felt that I had to wait for a very long time, cuz I couldn't see the light at the end of tunnel at all. But often as I looked back, it was actually only not very long ago. How amazing.

I now know that something is surely right - In sadness/times of troubleness, even when we're lost, the only thing that won't go wrong is to desire for God.

I guess it is when we don't want to let go of what we want to allow what God wants to happen, that we feel the pain. The pain of struggle, and the pain of regrets afterwards. The chronic pain. But if only we dare to take that step to do otherwise, we feel a different kind of pain. This pain is sharp, it hurts a lot, but as sharp as it is, it doesn't last as long.

In tonight's cell, we talked about the very "basics" of Christianity. Questions which non-christians would probably ask. I asked a lot of them before earlier on, but I realised at some point I stopped allowing questions to flow out that naturally, as I thought I shouldn't doubt if I believe in Jesus. But I didn't realise that I'd stop growing if I stop asking. And I stop seeing how much more can God fill my thirst and hunger, and how much more that I can learn and grow.

I can't thank God enough :)

Yee Kuan

First Love (ALM)

A request for prayers

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1975927713664&oid=205123489519948&comments

I saw this video posted on facebook by a few different people, and loads of people posted their comments. It's a video about a high school girl (I think it happened in a Form 1 class) being bullied by her classmates. When I saw this video the 2nd time, I visited the blog of the lead bully as well, and her post regarding her anger towards the girl whom she and her friends bullied received more than 2000 comments, most of them were comments to scold her or to curse her.

To be honest, when I watched the video for the 1st time, I didn't think much. I even wondered if that video was true. But from the blogs and what I read about the school etc, I guess it was, haha..

Don't know what do you guys think, but I realised that a lot of people need prayers from watching this video and reading a lot about what people posted.

If possible, I hope that anyone who reads this will include some people in their prayers:

• Pray for the girl being bullied. I suppose she felt really bad about this whole incident already, what more when there's this video being posted by so many people at so many different sites. I guess she'd feel worse. So pray for her so that it won't be affected by this experience as she grows up (they're only 13! There is so much more that god can do!!) Also pray that god will comfort her and will guide her in her life.

• Pray for the people who bullied her. I saw one of their blogs. And a lot of posts were filled with immaturity, anger, self-centredness and curse. However, very few people gave her words of encouragement and tell her what's the right thing to do. There were also posts in which she talked about how she feels sad about things, and how she wants to care for her close friends (in her own way though). Even in those posts, about 120 people commented to mock her and said that it's best if she "cry til die", things like that. I think if Jesus meets her, He would tell her different things. Pray that one day she will meet Him and repent. Pray that no matter what has shaped her into such a person, God will still have mercy on her and discipline her. Pray that one day she will forgive people around her and be forgiven.

• Thirdly, pray for people who commented. As I said, so many people commented, yet there was hardly anyone who commented to help with the whole situation. (I saw a short one out of the many that I read). The world is just full of people who see mistakes made by people around but yet not their own. These people scold and curse. (maybe it's partly cuz of what people around them do, and they just do the same? I'm not sure) But I think they need to have a changed attitude too. Pray that they will see the truth. And one thing I felt (it might not be true, but thats what I feel) is that people who're being chinese educated in Malaysia finds it really hard to think things in a Christian way, kinda.. >< Being from a chinese school, I could see the similarities of the mindsets of people back in my school and people who commented on the video. Pray that God will make a change.

• Lastly, pray for ourselves. Maybe think of how often do we fall into one of the above categories. It might be in different settings, different situations and different incidences. But I want to pray that we will be able to live in the world but not of the world, and make a difference, however slight it is, in wherever we are, being who we are.

Hope that everyone's doing well. :)

Yee Kuan

NECCC 1

I just came back from NECCC. To be honest I didn't learn much from NEEC last year. I thought of it as a conference which focused more on interchurch relationships, and it's more suitable for leaders. And I thought it would just be the same this year. And I didn't have much hope that particular things will touch me, although I brought some questions with me to the conference.

(As classes are starting again tmr and I'm going to start my 'crazy' revision plan as well, I'm just going to write a little bit about what I learn today. Might write a bit a day since I'm quite tired. )

I dozed off during 1st day's workshop and talk, hence I had to admit that I didn't get much out of it. But the 2nd night's talk about DISCIPLESHIP really touched me. I remember the prayer meetings about cost of discipleship during my 1st year formed my foundation of walk with God. I knew about what Christianity is about before I made my decision to follow Jesus for the rest of my life. I was "warned" about the tests which were about to come, tests for my faith and tests to actually strengthen me. But it didn't stay long in my memory.

I had been feeling quite dry in my spiritual life/walk with God recently, before I went for NECCC. Actually to be honest I couldn't really tell why did I decide to go for NECCC lol but God was just there, and everything had a reason in Him. I prayed to Him and asked Him to prepare me for the conference. But I felt that life was just a mess, and I was lost. I didn't know what to do at all. However, what I didn't know was, it was part of God's plan to prepare me for what He will speak to me.

True enough, the conference contained a lot of messages regarding what we as followers of Christ can do and how can we make disciples, something that we can do together as a church (discipleship is not to be individualised, the preacher said). But knowing how I felt deep inside, I knew I couldn't get myself into fully serving God cuz my relationship with Him wasn't right.

A responsive worship session was scheduled to be carried out after the talk that night. As we sang, I prayed and prayed to God just for someone to talk to and to pray for me, cuz I felt that I really couldn't take it anymore without God. I wanted that night to be the turning point. I was still anxious that time, as I rarely prayed such a specific prayer. "What if it doesn't happen?" I asked within me. "wouldn't my faith be challenged even more?"

But God was faithful. When I wasn't holding on to Him, He was holding on to me. He sent someone from Leeds to ask if I needed prayers. I was just stunned and I couldn't say a word for a while. Imagine the feelings of wanting to shout with joy "god heard me! He heard me! He answered me and He has sent someone for me!!" we prayed, but I said to her honestly that I didn't feel like talking to someone from Leeds, but I do feel like talking to someone. She asked me to pray to God and say out how I feel when I was lost etc. And I did. I also mentioned that the talk about discipleship really touched me, but I feel that I can't relate it to me yet unless I have that obstacle between me and god out of me.

After she prayed for me, she told me that indeed I am god's disciple, because of my desire to be one. That's what it takes, not who I am or what I've done. And she told me that what I'm going through now is part of the training that God gives to be His disciple. In fact, I need to thank God for training me. He loves me so much...

And after that, I was about to go get my bag when a person from another church asked if I was okay. There it went, my prayer and call to God fully answered. A person to pray for me and a person to talk to. Praise the Lord. We talked, and I realised that I could see things clearer. Things can actually be simplified when our priorities are right. When decisions are to be done, I realised that I just need to weigh the decisions. Which weighs more? God or a person? God or a friendship? These kind of things...

And I found it so true about what I was told "God loves us so much that we're allowed to make any choices, even the worst ones". And I realised that God is here. But I can choose to walk very close to Him, be very patient for Him to plan my life OR I can do otherwise, do what pleases me and people around me. So to apply it to my life, I might have made some really bad decisions, which drew me further and further away from God. But each thing has its reason to happen. Now that I found my way back to God, I just need to pray really hard to not fall away again...

(The songs that CF posted were all played! Will cont blogging about NECCC another day perhaps due to time constraint lol)

Diamond-Jewelry? Split second of thought...

Heard a message today at ALC and something caught my attention. If a diamond is left on the floor, no one would notice its beauty and value. If diamonds are carefully connected and put together, they become jewel. Then, it needs a setting, setting to make it special. How true is that. Following is a mixture of my thoughts and what I heard.

Diamond on its own can be precious or rubbish depending the setting it is. Yet, a jewelry needs another setting to make it special too. If that jewelry is displayed in a shop or someplace, it would only be noticeable if it is really good and caught someone's attention. But if someone buys and wear it, it will depend on the owner to make it valuable. If left in the drawer, no one will know about it. However, if the person decides to wear it as part of the outfit or outlook he/she wants to display, it becomes more meaningful and valuable. Perhaps it is not a very good explanation of what I have in mind but hopefully whoever is reading gets what I mean (I'm very bad at articulating). It is the owner's decision to make full use of it, not just jewelry but it could be many other things. Very often the people we would like to reach out to are someone that is close or dear to us, our family, friends, relatives or someone else. If we ourselves are not doing what we suppose to do, how can we be a role model and influence others, especially in convincing them? Because they could say, "look, you're not even doing this", or, "I don't see that in your lifestyle". How would you feel?

God created us to fulfill his purpose, and it is our decision to find that purpose He intended us to be, and live a purpose-driven life, not following the ways of the world. The bible says "Do not conform yourselves to the standards of this world, but let God transform you inwardly by a complete change of your mind. Then you will be able to know the will of God". I just started my journey not along ago following the "Purpose Driven Life" book by Rick Warren (still very early stages though =p). One thing that stands out time after time at the beginning is we have to always remember, our life is a temporary assignment. But, are we making full use of it?

Psalm 39:4 - LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away.

We use our brains to think, then carry out an action, well, most of the time anyway. Perhaps there are times we just do certain stuff without thinking much or none at all, perhaps certain things had become our daily routine or something that we do is so natural that we don't think twice. We ought to have our daily quiet time with God, or study the bible frequently, but how many of us are actually doing it? I myself, in particular, am so obsessed with watching shows, especially cooking competitions, or anime series, or drama on tv because I don't have a daily job at the moment. The book mentioned that every single thing I do has a consequence in my future. Now, wouldn't anyone be afraid after reading that??? Now, back to the action and thoughts, we can see such a clear relationship, or don't, because it part of our nature as humans. My point is, how powerful our thoughts are, to affect what we do in our daily life. If we really let God into our lives completely, we should let the Holy Spirit to lead us too in our thinking, not just certain aspects of our life. However, it is easier said than done. I believe what we can do is to pray that God will help us, guide us to truly surrender. It might takes years to be able to do that. "Life is a test, a trust, and temporary assignment". Perhaps it will always be a battle until the very last day of our lives, but we should never give up because the enemy has been defeated. God never fails, His Word never fails, I know my God made a way for me, salvation is here.

To end, a passage from "Purpose Driven Life".

"When life gets tough, when you're overwhelmed with doubt, or when you wonder if living for Christ is worth the effort, remember that you are not home yet. At death you won't leave home - you'll go home."

Hillsong - Salvation is Here


Hillsong - With Everything (Finally found this song! :) )


ALM UK - Take My Life


Gungor - Beautiful Things