hope

i think a big thing which god spoke to me yesterday was that:

Continue to bear HOPE.

He showed me a bizarre example, how hopelessness was defeated. how i wish i can see it from a "closer view". anyways, til then, i need to continue standing strong!!

just something really random. i don't know since when, but recently i had been feeling people's need for God. be it friends, family or just random people, or even myself.

i see how imperfect we all are, and people being sad, upset or depressed due to all sorts of reasons. and people believing deeply in idols and worshipping them as well. (although sometimes i don't quite understand.. people find it easier to believe that figurines made of gold have miracle powers etc, but can't believe that there's a god who loves them more than anyone does. but yeah, i probably shouldn't be surprised, cuz i haven't forgotten that i was once one of those people)

among all other things, one thing i knew of recently was that my family were going back to my hometown for cheng beng. hmm, i wonder would you guys think about it. personally, i feel sad. i mean, it's good, that families go to ancestors' tombs to clean them, but that also means that they are going to do it the chinese way - burning joss sticks etc. to worship them. and i can't say anything. (i mean i probably can, but i can't bear the consequences)

well, in short, i just really see how everyone of us needs god so much. and how life with Him is so much more filled with peace, joy and hope compared to life without. and i know that my strength is so little, that i don't know what can i do. the only thing i can pray for is that god will hear our prayers, god will tell me when there is something that i can do and He will help me to overcome the fear so that I will carry out His purposes for me. It will be difficult I know. but I know that we have to. it's not gonna be easy, but with God it will be EASIER.

i realised yesterday that i had been running away in a way too. i was home during summer and i knew how it felt like being the only christian at home, and talking to people closest to me about these things had always been more difficult to strangers or people whom i'm less closer to. and as i came bk to leeds, life's good and happy. i don't see the need for me to miss home etc. but it's when things hit me, like when i saw a picture of me and my mum, when my mum told me stuff about my family and when my dad and my bro came over to uk etc that i know that reality is still there.

if anyone prays for any non-believers constantly, almost every other day but have not yet seen results yet, i think you'll probably know what i mean. in general i bear hope. i say that i have faith, that i don't need to see it to believe it, and i need to always hold on to god's promise in acts 16:31. but there are just times when i get my little "moments", when i doubt a little more, when i question "why" and "when", and perhaps it's during the same times when i need a little more strength and dependence on god. we all know what happens if non-believers pass away not knowing Him. i might sound a bit extreme, but i just really don't want people to regret it when it's "too late".

but guess at the same time i need to remember the parable about the seed sowing (forgot where was it from..somewhere in the bible, sorry am a bit lazy to look it up now), that there is so muchthat we can do, and we need to allow god to work through the rest. but i want to say to god, that i don't want to miss that little thing that i can do even, especially if it will make a difference.

random long rants i know. sorry. but guess... since we have believed and have chosen to follow, don't doubt. and don't let satan take over us, for me myself especially by fear. pray.

2 corinthians 2:14-17 i found it quite deep when i 1st read it. our purpose on earth.

need to constantly ask god to work in my life, really. sometimes i wondered why do we sometimes feel close to god, and sometimes not as close... only god can answer..

yee kuan

Somehow I have come to realised my biggest weakness (if not, one of the biggest), and that is actually FEAR.

and this fear is something big to me, which I feel that it needs quite a bit of work to get it all out of me. i know that god's encouraging me to battle with this fear, knowing that i'm not quite there yet...

in romans 8:15, god says that "for you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of adoption as sons, bu whom we cry. 'abba, father'"

in those days, adoption was common amongst the Greek and Romans, and the adopted children get to enjoy the same privileges as the natural children, including inheritance. Jesus is god's natural son, whilst we are God's adopted children. (this concept is something rather new to me) by god's grace we received, and we can't praise god enough for that. but sometimes i (we?) am too tied down by things in the world that i can't completely allow god to help me see things from His perspective. that's when my fear comes into play.

In ephesians 6:13, god called us to be prepared. "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

It then went on to tell us how to equip ourselves with the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, fitted feet of readiness, shield of faith, heltmet of salvation and sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. I found the example in today's daily bread really good, about how when we 1st wear on all these armours/equipments which are supposed to protect us, we feel clumsy and awkward, just like all those protective items used in american football. "But over time the protective gear becomes like a familiar friend that provides welcome protection against serious injury. "

For me personally, knowledge of all these passages are important to me. More importantly, I need to fully know and agree that my strength comes from God, and I need to pray in the spirit of God, as stated in ephesians 6. There are things in life which I can foresee coming, but they are not in the present. It's true that I can just be ignorant and take it as it comes, but I know that I need to be prepared for them. They are things which I fear, and I don't know on which day will it hit me. But when it comes, I know that I need to use the god-given strength to fight the battle. Declare the truth fearlessly. (but of course i will 1st need to know what the truth is, what the mystery of the gospel is, so that when i am asked, i will be able to say without trembling)

god didn't put me in a christian family with upbringing similar to some of my christian friends for a reason. and it's the best plan that He designed for me. despite this part of His plan, it came with a promise in Acts 16:31, which He asks me to hold on to til the time that He has in mind.

in john 16:33, jesus himself said "do not fear. I have overcome the world".

Also, in 1 john 4:18, it was written "there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love."

i'm still working on it, and god is still working in me regarding this. it takes time, so.. persevere!

yee kuan

(a short post today =P, erm, kinda..)

• it hit me yesterday, that besides loving us and having the most high authority, god is also our father who "sayang"/疼 us a lot! hmm, just got that out when i realised how divine His plannings are.. His plans are always great, but i don't always see it. praise god for how He loved me and put me in Knaresborough GP, and how i somehow found my way to go there everyday through harrogate, and how i randomly decided to stay over at Janice's place, where i met other 5th years who invited me to the practice osce which helped me in preparing for osce and gain a bit of confidence. all things are linked unexpectedly, they just somehow do. and yesss i don't believe in coincidence, not anymore. and praise god for Henna's found NHS card too which she lost the other day! through a similarly random way too :)
• 2nd point to note from yesterday. god reminded me of sth. as the bus passed by me twice at different times, i was thinking that i will surely not make it on the bus cuz i was still quite a distance away. i ran a bit, and i was surprised that i got myself on it! i felt that god was telling me that even at times when i thought things were impossible, i might be wrong. I made it, cuz He helped me, but effort is needed though. (i know it's really random, but God spoke to me in this personal way, as He would to anyone who seeks)
• 3rd point from today. attitude of life. how to deal with all the things which we dnt like each day? i think it's really difficult. but god asked us to deal with it His way. He said "revenge restrained is a victory gained". how beautiful. That's our role. god's wrath towards wrong things will settle the rest. He will be the final judge, so who are we to judge?

A little short prayer quoted from our daily bread today:

Lord, help me not retaliate

When someone wants to pick a fight;

Instead, give me the strength and faith

To show Your love and do what’s right.

I did something random this week. One morning, I came out with a task: try to greet 10 people good morning. I kinda did about... 8, thats excluding patients seen in the consultation room. but it lightened up my day, hehe... be it too wu liao or sth, it cheered me up :) people smiled back when I smiled to them. just something simple but heart warming :)

random

I remember a while ago I was talking to quite a few people about certain issues as a Christian medic. I felt that as a Christian medic, even though at times we gain contact with patients with all kinds of worries and problems, it's impossible that we direct them to God straightaway. and that's because of "professionalism". Things played in my mind but to be honest I didn't quite know what was my question and what was God trying to say to me. It felt something like "we were called to spread His gospel, to help, to pray for others, but I know we just can't in some situations". It's like God's the solution, but it's like a secret which can't be gotten through to people who needs it.

but i somehow got an answer today. i felt like i found what god was calling me to do. there were patients who came in with depression etc today. and there was one which i prayed for silently in my heart while observing the gp's consultation. i knew i couldn't tell her anything in person, so when i prayed, i prayed that she will meet god somewhere in her life as she walked out the consultation room. i prayed that god will just send ppl to her or just put her in situations which she could just know that god is there. and it made me realised that a lot of these people hardly know any christians. they wouldn't have access to god. and coincidentally i meet her and know about her problems and i can pray for her. it's a blessing, for her and for me. i wouldn't know what happens to her as she leaves, but i believe that god heard me, and He's going to do something for her, for His beloved daughter/creation.

and hence, new thing i learned today: pray for everyone in need. it might just make a difference

philipians 3:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

just really want to thank god for how He speaks to me in such a personal way, and He revealed to me what I can do. =D

yee kuan

Life

It's been quite some time since anyone posted anything on this blog.. Wanted to do so 2 weeks ago after I went to Abundant Life Church but was too tired >< Visited the church again today and thought of sharing the main points of the sermon cuz i personally thought it was quite good :D

Psalm 23:1 The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

We were challenged to just take at least one thing away from the sermon/worship/anything from church today, and just to apply it in our lives/practice it for the coming week.

Indeed, God had graciously given so much, and I often just have to ask myself "what else can I ask for?" The answer, I know, is nothing. I can asking for nothing else cuz for everything that God gave, I never deserved it, but He gave because He is gracious and He is good.

So, the sermon was largely about LIFE today. In Psalm 90, the only psalm which was a prayer by Moses, shows how short life is. It shows how SHORT life is. The highest average life span in a country is about 82 years old. That's in Japan. However, if we look at countries in Africa, the average life span can be as low as 39. But I was aware that we were talking about the AVERAGE. We may live well longer than that, or SHORTER.Often, I feel that I'm too young to think about what do I want to do with my life. I may have plans for the near future, but not for the far. I just don't see the need. But God calls us to live EVERYDAY to the fullest. He calls us to make a decision to make everyday count, every single day...

The pastor brought up the point that life is not only about personal success, it's about SIGNIFICANCE.

The topic which I ought to teach in Sunday School was about Matt 25:1-13. It was about being prepared for Christ's second return. It seldom hit me that Jesus is going to come again, although this knowledge is at the back of my mind. Honestly, if he was to come tmr, I can't say that I have no regrets about how my life has been so far. There are still wrongs to be corrected, and things which I have yet to finish, people whom I have yet to lead to Christ although I would love to. (but of course i know i can't rush into that in anyway)

A few points raised during the sermon today:

• Life is too short for doing nothing. (If everyone decides to do nothing, we lose. We lose people who might actually be saved if we actually do something. we lose things which we can secure, including friendships etc. )
• Life is too short to be invested in the wrong things. (Not only that we ought to do "something", but we have to do the RIGHT things. 1 cor 3:11-15. We can be involved in so many different things in life, including even studies, our interests like sports, cooking etc, relationships with everyone around us etc. We can be too busy trying to fit everything into our schedule. Hence, we need to prioritise and reach a balance. INVEST in things which can be taken to heaven ultimately. By this, it means one and only thing: PEOPLE. and people includes family, friends, people around and even strangers. At times, analyse our thoughts in God's views rather than men's. eg., if we say that the rain is depressing, and thence we lose our mood to do anything on that day, try to think about what god thinks about the rain? if we're upset by something, would god feel upset cuz of the same thing too?)
• Life is too short for carrying unnecessary burdens (Jesus lifts up our burdens. He gives us light to see and gives us freedom. This freedom, however, comes with a decision, which is to accept Jesus into our lives. I agree that we often pick up burdens here and there in our lives without ourselves noticing it. we see something, even sometimes as a 3rd person, and we our emotions get swayed and involved. we can't let go of things in life although we know we should, and it creates stress and burdens. but how frequent do we actually remember what Jesus said in Matthew 11: 28-30? Jesus told us that He HAD OVERCOME the world, so why let ourselves be stuck in fear and anxiety? Lay aside every weight and don't let sins get over you. Remember that in 1 Cor 10:13, god tells us that no temptation has seized you except what is common to man. The devil uses the same tactics over and over again. If God is for us and with us, why do we have to fall over and over again? We need not. Therefore stand strong and remind ourselves of the cross and how great God is everyday.)
• Life is too short to dwell in the past. (Look forward to the future, take courage to change what is wrong. Come to God with a childlike faith. It will not be easy at times, but His hands are opened wide, waiting for us. There's no reason why we don't need to be grateful for today to live, when countless people die each day, without expecting death. Make this God given day count.)
• Life is too short for being in a wrong setting. (We all know that we have a unique personality. But to thrive, we need to be in the correct setting. God trains and leads us to get us to the right setting, especially if we're not already in it. If you think God is doing it, don't resist. Sometimes getting yourself to the right setting takes a lot of boldness and courage. eg. God may call one to be set apart for Him, to serve in the church for example. Considerations like other people's opinions esp non-believing relatives or friends can hinder it. Fear results and it stops us from straight away saying yes to God. It's something that a lot of us have to face. That's why it is said that Christianity is NEVER easy. We as Christians know why have we made that decision to follow God, and we know that it's all worth it. To grow out of our own box and to progress to know God more and more is important. We have all been called to do it and to be imitators of Christ, even though we'll never be perfect. As Christians, I find that being clear of what purpose God has for us is important. It might take time. Purposes may be short term ones or long term ones. If we hear God our shepherd speaks, and we know that it's Him speaking, make that decision if you want to acknowledge that, and respond accordingly.)

Be glad that we have been chosen. We who are saved will one day be raised to the heaven. If possible, bring as many people as you can. It's a calling. It's our purpose. It's a difference which we can all make. We might not see the seeds germinating straight away by doing little things, but if we do what we can, no matter how small it is, one day we might be surprised when someone taps our shoulders in heaven and said to us "thank you for saying just that something to me. you might not have known but it got me into thinking and that was how i 1st came to know god." So do not be discouraged. and do it out of a voluntary will, not for reward.

Do not be discouraged too, if we feel that we're not capable enough. Rather, attempt to grow and learn. Be motivated just because we don't know much. Ask god for wisdom and growth. He listens, and answers. Most importantly, have FAITH.

Yee Kuan

14/03/11