I was really happy today, but to be honest, I can't really say why. I think the amazing thing about God speaking to us is that, sometimes we just know deep down there that He's speaking and He has done something in our lives, and it's all for our own good, and then there yields the JOY. It's a joy that's different from happiness, really really different, but yet so indescribable.

God has always been loving me so much. I thought back a lot about 1st year today, and shared quite a bit with Hannah too. Sometimes things slipped through my mind, or I just don't recall them all the time, but when I think back, there I found His love and His plan, always always working in my life.

A few days ago I was crying myself out, and tears rolled down like how sweat does if I were to be in a sauna room, I wasn't even exaggerating, but today I feel that whole sense of joy from God. God saves through brokenness, and no doubt He answers prayers. When I prayed for Him to work in my situations, I have always felt that I had to wait for a very long time, cuz I couldn't see the light at the end of tunnel at all. But often as I looked back, it was actually only not very long ago. How amazing.

I now know that something is surely right - In sadness/times of troubleness, even when we're lost, the only thing that won't go wrong is to desire for God.

I guess it is when we don't want to let go of what we want to allow what God wants to happen, that we feel the pain. The pain of struggle, and the pain of regrets afterwards. The chronic pain. But if only we dare to take that step to do otherwise, we feel a different kind of pain. This pain is sharp, it hurts a lot, but as sharp as it is, it doesn't last as long.

In tonight's cell, we talked about the very "basics" of Christianity. Questions which non-christians would probably ask. I asked a lot of them before earlier on, but I realised at some point I stopped allowing questions to flow out that naturally, as I thought I shouldn't doubt if I believe in Jesus. But I didn't realise that I'd stop growing if I stop asking. And I stop seeing how much more can God fill my thirst and hunger, and how much more that I can learn and grow.

I can't thank God enough :)

Yee Kuan