Selah Sings Before the Throne of God
Before the throne of God above,
I have a strong, a perfect plea,
A great High Priest whose name is "Love,"
He ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is writen on His heart;
I know that while in heav'n He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
and tells me of the guilt within,
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died,
my sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
to look on him and pardon me.
to look on him and pardon me.

Behold him there! the risen Lamb,
my perfect, spotless Righteousness,
the great unchangeable I AM,
the King of glory and of grace!
One with Himself I cannot die,
My soul is purchased by His blood;
My life is hid with Christ on high,
with Christ, my Savior and my God
with Christ, my Savior and my God







A few lines touched me in particular..
"He ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is writen on His heart;"

out of so many billions of people on earth, really? god has MY name on his hands and heart? He still remembers me, unlike some people who maybe created a piece of artwork and forgets that it ever existed.



"When Satan tempts me to despair,
and tells me of the guilt within,
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin."
I know it at times when I do wrong things, when I sin, and when i feel guilty about things. But yet, God is still with me? He still answers prayers. I have come to know how difficult forgiving is, both my seeing and experiencing. Yet, God's love is so wide and deep that it covered it all, all my sins and our sins.



"the great unchangeable I AM,"
God is never changing, and what He said He won't deny. He is the "ALWAYS". thats why when He said He loves, He really does. at times of guilt, things like asking God to punish me for what I do crept into my mind before, but that's not God. He see past our sins as Jesus bore it all, and we are now clean. What He did, He has done.

"My soul is purchased by His blood;"
I am not my own, but God's. And my happiness and rewards were all exchanged by Jesus' blood. Who am I then to complain?





Not only me myself, I felt that life had been difficult and quite bad for a lot of people (or at least those around me) over this year. Once I felt really angry, but God healed by asking me to forgive and asking for His forgiveness. And He showed me Himself in quite a few occasions, which I felt really grateful about.

But something strike again.. I knew I didn't exactly blame God, cuz I still know that God is love and He is the God of goodness. But I can't help but keep asking why within my heart. and part of me felt that I never wanted to know what's going to happen so badly. and things which is part of a normal life process, I never knew that I can't take it well when it happens in real life to me. It's just the feeling that no matter how much PPD I have done, I still can't entirely treat a patient as a human instead of a subject when it's someone that I know or I love. and I didn't know why everything has to happen in this year. it's just like, "where's my break, God?"

i was being a bit rebellious. Finding it so hard to pray, I therefore refused to pray even when prompted. I even thought that if I were to doubt God in my life, this is the time when I will question Him. But God spoke to me in church today. He asked me, "after so much that I have done for you, are you still not going to trust me?" It's as if He was asking me, so who is He in my life. Is He someone whom I thank only in times of receiving more and when life is sailing smoothly? And I felt Him saying that how much more will I need to believe Him that He's still here. But with this attitude, I will never have enough of blessings cuz I just pull myself away when there's something which go a bit wrong.

I feel that it's been a little while since I really felt God personally recently. It has mostly been the word, the people around. But I am grateful that I am knowing God more now, that I can recognise His voice. I know when He speaks :)

Although not to say that everything is good and i'm not going to fall away anymore, I am more than sure that God have saved and will not easily let me drown just like that. The journey hasn't quite reached an end yet. PRAY :)

If possible, people, please pray for my dad, who was newly diagnosed diabetes last week.. it may seem like a really common condition which we are no longer surprised when we hear about it. and it is indeed a chronic and not an acute condition, so no emergency action is needed. but the complications or the risks of it freaked me out a bit. so really just pray for the right management to be carried out and pray that i can do whatever that i can to help, also for my dad's salvation before it's too late. (something which will really break my heart if it happens...) thanks guys!

Yee Kuan