Somehow I have come to realised my biggest weakness (if not, one of the biggest), and that is actually FEAR.

and this fear is something big to me, which I feel that it needs quite a bit of work to get it all out of me. i know that god's encouraging me to battle with this fear, knowing that i'm not quite there yet...

in romans 8:15, god says that "for you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the spirit of adoption as sons, bu whom we cry. 'abba, father'"

in those days, adoption was common amongst the Greek and Romans, and the adopted children get to enjoy the same privileges as the natural children, including inheritance. Jesus is god's natural son, whilst we are God's adopted children. (this concept is something rather new to me) by god's grace we received, and we can't praise god enough for that. but sometimes i (we?) am too tied down by things in the world that i can't completely allow god to help me see things from His perspective. that's when my fear comes into play.

In ephesians 6:13, god called us to be prepared. "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

It then went on to tell us how to equip ourselves with the belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, fitted feet of readiness, shield of faith, heltmet of salvation and sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. I found the example in today's daily bread really good, about how when we 1st wear on all these armours/equipments which are supposed to protect us, we feel clumsy and awkward, just like all those protective items used in american football. "But over time the protective gear becomes like a familiar friend that provides welcome protection against serious injury. "

For me personally, knowledge of all these passages are important to me. More importantly, I need to fully know and agree that my strength comes from God, and I need to pray in the spirit of God, as stated in ephesians 6. There are things in life which I can foresee coming, but they are not in the present. It's true that I can just be ignorant and take it as it comes, but I know that I need to be prepared for them. They are things which I fear, and I don't know on which day will it hit me. But when it comes, I know that I need to use the god-given strength to fight the battle. Declare the truth fearlessly. (but of course i will 1st need to know what the truth is, what the mystery of the gospel is, so that when i am asked, i will be able to say without trembling)

god didn't put me in a christian family with upbringing similar to some of my christian friends for a reason. and it's the best plan that He designed for me. despite this part of His plan, it came with a promise in Acts 16:31, which He asks me to hold on to til the time that He has in mind.

in john 16:33, jesus himself said "do not fear. I have overcome the world".

Also, in 1 john 4:18, it was written "there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. the one who fears is not made perfect in love."

i'm still working on it, and god is still working in me regarding this. it takes time, so.. persevere!

yee kuan