just something really random. i don't know since when, but recently i had been feeling people's need for God. be it friends, family or just random people, or even myself.

i see how imperfect we all are, and people being sad, upset or depressed due to all sorts of reasons. and people believing deeply in idols and worshipping them as well. (although sometimes i don't quite understand.. people find it easier to believe that figurines made of gold have miracle powers etc, but can't believe that there's a god who loves them more than anyone does. but yeah, i probably shouldn't be surprised, cuz i haven't forgotten that i was once one of those people)

among all other things, one thing i knew of recently was that my family were going back to my hometown for cheng beng. hmm, i wonder would you guys think about it. personally, i feel sad. i mean, it's good, that families go to ancestors' tombs to clean them, but that also means that they are going to do it the chinese way - burning joss sticks etc. to worship them. and i can't say anything. (i mean i probably can, but i can't bear the consequences)

well, in short, i just really see how everyone of us needs god so much. and how life with Him is so much more filled with peace, joy and hope compared to life without. and i know that my strength is so little, that i don't know what can i do. the only thing i can pray for is that god will hear our prayers, god will tell me when there is something that i can do and He will help me to overcome the fear so that I will carry out His purposes for me. It will be difficult I know. but I know that we have to. it's not gonna be easy, but with God it will be EASIER.

i realised yesterday that i had been running away in a way too. i was home during summer and i knew how it felt like being the only christian at home, and talking to people closest to me about these things had always been more difficult to strangers or people whom i'm less closer to. and as i came bk to leeds, life's good and happy. i don't see the need for me to miss home etc. but it's when things hit me, like when i saw a picture of me and my mum, when my mum told me stuff about my family and when my dad and my bro came over to uk etc that i know that reality is still there.

if anyone prays for any non-believers constantly, almost every other day but have not yet seen results yet, i think you'll probably know what i mean. in general i bear hope. i say that i have faith, that i don't need to see it to believe it, and i need to always hold on to god's promise in acts 16:31. but there are just times when i get my little "moments", when i doubt a little more, when i question "why" and "when", and perhaps it's during the same times when i need a little more strength and dependence on god. we all know what happens if non-believers pass away not knowing Him. i might sound a bit extreme, but i just really don't want people to regret it when it's "too late".

but guess at the same time i need to remember the parable about the seed sowing (forgot where was it from..somewhere in the bible, sorry am a bit lazy to look it up now), that there is so muchthat we can do, and we need to allow god to work through the rest. but i want to say to god, that i don't want to miss that little thing that i can do even, especially if it will make a difference.

random long rants i know. sorry. but guess... since we have believed and have chosen to follow, don't doubt. and don't let satan take over us, for me myself especially by fear. pray.

2 corinthians 2:14-17 i found it quite deep when i 1st read it. our purpose on earth.

need to constantly ask god to work in my life, really. sometimes i wondered why do we sometimes feel close to god, and sometimes not as close... only god can answer..

yee kuan